Since January of 2007, I have lost about seventy pounds. I took a long hiatus from the scale after my weight crested the 200 pound mark. I got on the scale for the "last" time in September of 2006 and weighed about almost 210 pounds. Between then and January, I got heavier. Jeans that had been comfortably loose got so tight that I had to wear shapewear with them. Yes ladies, shapewear with jeans, Spanx to be specific. I must have been 220, but I think it could have been a tad worse.
In January, I started losing weight. Suffice it to say that I was not losing weight in a healthy manner at the time. I felt so repulsive, but my current significant other showed no signs of being repulsed so I did my best not to think about it. My unhealthy habits were basically killing me. When I went to student health services in April of 2007, I had high blood pressure, high everything. I had to stop.
My life turned around on May 21, 2007. The night of May 20th, I got an email with a picture of me on a Teaching Fellows outing at Lake James. I didn't recognize myself, I just saw this girl in blue in the far corner of the picture that looked miserable. It took literally a minute to realize it was me. I went to the Weight Watchers website that night, and I went to my first meeting the next day. After not getting on a scale since September, I weighed in at 189.6 on May 21, 2007.
I am now a lifetime member of Weight Watchers, maintaining a 41 pound loss according to them, and about a 70 pound loss since January 2007. Now you're thinking this blog is supposed to be about sex, not weight loss. My journey with Weight Watchers (and thus my weight loss) is directly related to my sex life. Weight Watchers (WW) has taught me how to love myself and take care of myself in a gentle way. I have stopped abusing my body. I am able to love who I am again, maybe truly for the first time.
I lost all of the weight while dating M. He was supportive, especially during the losing process. He never did come to understand maintenance for what it is, just an extended version of losing the weight but eating a little more food. As I lost the weight and got healthy, I saw my already sky high sex drive go through the roof. And most of all, I was enjoying it more and I was beginning to see myself as a being entitled to sexual pleasure.
I vividly recall being on top after losing about 40 or so pounds and realizing for the first time that I had a waist and that I was hot, and I mean HOT.
Getting in shape has given me such a sense of self-efficacy and confidence. I've run a 5K, I can wear my high school graduation dress, the jeans I brought with me to college fall off. But perhaps the best things are that I am healthy and happy, and that when M. left me I knew just how sexy and strong I am and that I am only going to get better. I can't imagine that I'd be back on the horse now and dating if I hadn't found Weight Watchers. I have found the sexy, healthy woman who was hiding underneath all the ice cream. (And she wants orgasms, damnit!)
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