He hit me and I blamed myself

It was October. I had a crush on a man with the last name of Sprinkle. He was far too old for me, 28-ish and I was 19. Alas, I went on a camping trip with my lovely friend C.P. that would enable me to bond with her and flirt with Mr. Sprinkle.

On this camping trip I met L. (I don't know why I am protecting his identity.) He was nice enough, and started out so respectful and innocently affectionate. We ended up sharing a tent that night. I'd never slept in a tent before, much less with a man! It'd been several months since my breakup with verbally-abusive-first-time-I-chose-to-have-sex dude. I was desperate for affection and to feel desirable in my oversized body that had resulted from too much conciliatory ice cream during bad relationship and after said breakup.

That night in the tent, there was definitely affection. And we saw each other again the next night back at school at his apartment. I was enjoying my time with him, sans sexual intercourse.

The next weekend we hung out and it happened to me again. I tried to get away. I tried to leave the apartment. I wasn't going down without a fight this time. One rape was enough for me. I was not going to let this happen, and I fought. But I wasn't strong enough; sometimes that happens when a woman tries to fight a man. Sometimes she's just at a physical disadvantage. I certainly was that night. I fought him so hard. I closed my mouth at inoportune times, I said no more than I thought possible. Finally, I had tried to get away too many times for his liking. He hit me, slapped me right across my face, and forced my mouth back onto his disgusting erection. It was rape again that night, vaginal intercourse or not, it was rape. And I was broken.

I was never able to escape his apartment that night, but the next day I ended it with him the best I knew how. I was terrified at that point, even more than I had been the night before, because I finally knew the full extent of his power. He had no qualms about hitting a woman to manipulate her to his will. I consider myself so lucky that I ended it so quickly. Many women get stuck in these terrible situations. I had not even processed the first rape at this point, but I think perhaps it gave me the strength I needed to recognize male chauvanism when confronted with it.

Ladies, don't ever let a man hit you like that. And if he does, run. Run as quickly as you can. And don't you dare blame yourself like I did for so long, for so many years.